yeah, that.

Hey, you know how
when you first open your
eyes and the room is still
pitch black and the only
sounds are traffic outside and
maybe a too-loud TV somewhere
and it takes a moment or three to
get your bearings and
the day is filled with 
possibilities and the 
moment you've been waiting for
is just hours away and
you're filled with both
excitement and dread?

Hey, you know how
when you look back at
something in your past that
seemed at the time to be
innocuous at best and
it is only through the lens of
time and experience that
you come to realize that
it was actually a turning point,
a clearly defined before and after
that you can only now
see in your rearview mirror?

Hey, you know how
when the brain fog starts to
lift and you take the first
sip from your second cup of
coffee and your morning
headache starts to fade and
the room starts to come into
focus and you realize that
maybe, just maybe, this might
turn out to be one of those days,
a turning point that will clearly
demarcate "then" from "now"?

Hey, you know how
when you're sitting on the
edge of your bed and you think to
yourself, what have I gotten myself
into this time? and you are
simultaneously excited at the
prospect of what is to come and
dreading having to start the
whole process over again,
wondering if it is worth all of
the effort it is going to take to
just be yourself, open to
both acceptance and rejection?

Hey, you know how
when you push all of that 
aside because you have
things to do and people to
see and hearts to break and
all of that other faux-confidence
stuff that you tell yourself to
help you make it from one day
to the next, and so you turn the
water on and wait for it to get
hot enough to get in the shower and
you stand there staring at the wall
with the hot water running down 
your back as you push back
against all of your self-doubt?

Yeah, that.